Saying YES to YOUR dress!

So you have the date, the venue, the guest list, and that wonderful groom. But choosing the dress you will wear is a process fraught with angst and anxiety for many a bride.

Some brides have an innate sense of what they want, and what flatters them, and the budget to get it. But on a day when looking and feeling your best is paramount, it can be overwhelming to look through the racks of bridal gowns and wonder what is YOUR style, and will you be able to find something in your price range that you LOVE? Meanwhile, some of those shop owners are less than understanding!

In my first debute as mother of the bride, I found this part to be surprisingly challenging. Unlike the tv shows where mom or bridesmaid derails the process, it was the bride who was self critical and frustrated.All her attendants just kept oohing, "You look gorgeous!" yet she was NOT convinced. How to find just the right thing became our mission for the next six months.

too poofy

a contender we found at a consignment shop

Nice details

the bride says, "boring!"

Looking good but not THE one yet.

Take your time, don't book too many appointments in one day, have a glass of wine! Don't give up, you CAN have a dress you will feel great wearing, and at a price you can afford. Don't settle!

glam bow and lace

Memories of Swan Lake!

Pinterest and magazines can serve as a guide, but they may not help, as your local shop may not carry anything like what you are seeing. Try on a variety of styles to see what actually does fit, or flatter your figure. Think about the type of fabric, as well as the amount of embellishment you want.

Those dressmaker tools

Our homemade head piece

There truly are many stunning gowns out there, but if you are looking for something simple and straight forward without a lot of bling, be ready to try creative alternatives. After visiting TEN shops (from David's Bridal, to many small shops, consignment and even JCrew), we decided to take the plunge and have mama make the dress. Having sewn for years and taken a pattern drafting class, I thought, this IS do-able, and it was!

We made a mock up, to see if the style was flattering, and right away I got a big smile from the bride to be. So off we went down that road, which is a whole "nuther" story! But as you can see, the bride was gorgeous on her special day!

Dupion silk gown for $140 and a dapper gentleman friend of the bride.

                        

Know Thyself

According to Wikipedia, that (cough) fountain of wisdom:

The maxim "know thyself" is applied to those whose boasts exceed what they are,"and that "know thyself" is a warning to pay no attention to the opinion of the multitude.<sup>[3] 


For families in wedding planning mode, all the principle players need to heed this tidbit of Ancient advice. You'll have a multitude of opinions and personalities, and a few who may not have much experience working well with others.

Is your family made up of perfectionists? detail police? procrastinators? organizers? dreamers, or those ever frustrating non decision makers? All these folks can derail the best laid wedding plans! If you want smooth sailing, you need to get an accurate read on WHO is involved, and prepare to use their strengths!

We took advantage of one detail oriented family member, and kept weighing in with said person to see if we had missed anything. YES, this took humility, but it worked! This person DID think of things we hadn't, and was able to worry over it all a bit less because their insight was valued.</sup>

Can you find the Caterer?

<sup>One friend's daughter recently got married, and she (the Bride) spent a lot of time in the "dreaming" category, but not in the doing category. Get the person who likes to take action to make those phone calls! and don't expect the Bride will be driving the show just because she's the one getting married :).


Divide up the work along the lines of each person's personality, and when you have the luxury of hiring anyone to do things for you, be sure your personalities match up. Our Caterer was friendly and easy going, but was all business on the day of the event. He had ONE goal, and that was to be sure we and all our guests had a fabulous time! And we did!


And a final word to the M.O.B. if you do not tend to stay calm under fire, well...hire a wedding co-ordinator and step away. It's a BIG job. If you take it on, be sure to take care of yourself along the way, and keep in mind that the relationships are forever, and this wedding is only one day!</sup>

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner??

So you've chosen a date, and you've found that perfect venue, but now, you must decide on who will join you to celebrate your new life as Mr. & Mrs. 

Weddings used to be simple affairs; bride, groom, minister and a few witnesses would gather in the Bride's home, vows would be exchanged, a bite of cake consumed, and the happy couple would ride off into happily ever after!

My Paternal Grandparents marry in Vermont 1920's

Now it seems the clarion cry is BIG. We invite everyone we've ever remotely known. We have sleepless nights over the folks we may have offended! But think about this...if you invite 200 people to your wedding, and talk with each guest for just one minute, you'll need three hours and twenty minutes, and you'll never eat, drink, dance or breathe!!

Don't invite EVERYONE!

We had 60 guests at our daughter's wedding, and found even that number left us longing for more time with our dear friends and family, who traveled a long way to be with us. For that kind of intimacy you need to keep the numbers down to the immediate family and four or five friends for the bride and groom.

Long tables and a meal served family style for 60

So, think about your personality as individuals and as a couple. If a fun, crazy, dance marathon is your idea of a good time, go for the crowds if your budget allows (because we all know that 3 couples on a dance floor does not a party make!). If you want a relaxed, food oriented, family friendly sit down meal, then go for the 60-80 crowd. When an intimate relaxed affair appeals..head off for a destination wedding with just the very closest circle of friends. 

Stick to YOUR style and you can be confident you'll have a celebration to cherish for a lifetime!

Tools of the Trade

Though I've been to many weddings over the years and played music for some wonderful couples, actually helping my daughter plan her wedding was a whole new world for me. My best tips: take time to get inspired, AND get organized...the mountain of details can be managed if you start with a plan early on.

Lawn near the VMFA; a site we considered.

 

We found beauty all around us.

Inspiration came from friends, internet sites, and just keeping our eyes open. Yes, we bought a few of the wedding magazines, and we did go to one wedding "expo" that was painfully NOT our style....I knew it was bad when all the food was brown, and someone tried to put a bride sash on Emily and she looked like she wanted to punch the lady!

Keep your eyes open, and note what makes you smile.

Tools you can use:

1. GOOGLE DOCS!
We used them for Guest information lists and job planning lists. So easy to share information with everyone who needs it.

2. PINTEREST. Though I saw a hysterical youtube called Pinterest Intervention (and I have friends who quit Pinterest because of the envy factor) we got a lot of inspiration from this site.

3. RECENTLY MARRIED FRIENDS can tell you all the things to avoid, and the things to be sure to include. Experience is a great teacher!

Enjoy the process and keep what's important at the forefront...the years of a happy marriage ahead!

 

Beauty in Any Season

Choosing the time of year for your wedding can be a challenge, when many other brides are vying for the ever popular May and June. Once you're engaged, bridal shops and vendors will put the scare on you, pressuring you to feel you are already TOO LATE! to pull off a wedding of any kind!

Cocktails in the garden anyone?

We had the luxury of a full year from the engagement, but didn't really get down to the business of deciding until 10 months out. We had a lot of discussions about the size of the wedding, which helped us to estimate our budget to be sure we could swing the venues we considered. But, just walking around in these gardens helped to get our creative engines  purring.

By fall these beds would be overflowing with final harvests.

We chose a fall 3 day weekend, so we knew we were going to have some competition, and our first call to the beautiful venue we fell in love with was, sorry, booked that day! They even suggested a Sunday wedding and possible tent sharing with the Saturday folks (flexing on things like that can get you close to what you are hoping for). But in the end, the earlier booking fell through, and we were able to secure our planned for day. THAT was a huge relief to all of us. Now we could really get to work!

Gardens help bring a serene mood to a busy day

So, if you are planning a wedding, focus first on where and when, and lock in the date as early as you can, remembering that 3 day weekends in the fall are nearly as popular as the May and June weekends. If you're adventurous, like some of my friends, you can even make August a wonderful month for a wedding in a beautiful garden...just don't forget the fans, water and BUG SPRAY!

About that Venue

 Once you've convinced that special gal to say YES, there are as many options for getting to that I DO day as there are happy couples. Deciding when was easy for our couple (engaged in September, Married the following October over a long holiday weekend), but where was another story all together. We made the list of who while driving between venue options, and debated the pros and cons of each site thoroughly, including suggesting eloping (thanks Padre!) but mama put a stop to that pdq!

Committing to a venue will be your first opportunity for sticker shock, but doing your homework helps. We searched online, asked friends, considered places all over the state of Virginia, and finally, when we walked onto the grounds of the beautiful gardens at Tuckahoe Plantation, Thomas Jefferson's boyhood home, we all breathed a huge sigh of relief. We all thought "this is it!", and the groom got a little misty eyed!

Even with winter shrouding the sleeping garden with greys and spent flowers, it had fine bones. It was one of the best choices we made, creating the perfect backdrop for our relaxed but elegant concept. Here it is in spring when we came back to firm up our plans for the Wedding Day.

 

Remembering

After a year's worth of work and planning, looking and pondering, searching and creating, we were finally able to celebrate our daughter's wedding with a small group of family and friends at Tuckahoe Plantation near Richmond, Virginia. 

To capture that wonderful day, and some of what we did to bring that day together, and with the encouragement of the Bride herself, I'm starting this new blog, HortiCultured Weddings. Hoping others will find inspiration to break free of the cookie cutter wedding world and find a way to celebrate in their own unique style. Enjoy!